My name is...

It's January, 3rd, 2012...crazy how time flies when you're having fun.

My story begins in a little town called Rustenburg in the North West Province. Looking back now, I realize I had a dream childhood. I did not fear the world - just the opposite - it was one GI-normous playground.

School was...it was trying. Difficult at first - simply because I spent so much of it trying to fit in and conform. It was very difficult to do so - see I am a Christian girl and I went to a school that was in a Muslim community. So much of the thinking and dynamic was Islamic and lets just say - if you weren't Muslim - you did not matter. Much of primary school was spent trying to gain favour from Muslim friends and teachers and much of it was spent in tears. Pathetic ... I know ... but true.

High School was great - I kinda realized that I was awkward - SO WHAT! It didn't matter. School became on huge stage and I became the lead actress. I could be vivacious and daring. I could be mysterious and cheeky. And so began 4 years of the best performance of my life. I pulled it off excellently. Often chosen to speak on behalf of my peers for "issues that mattered!" I had created a world that needed me AND I LOVED IT.

I also got into writing - writing poetry, plays and then it evolved into music. Yip, Britney Spears influenced me - its insane but true and looking back I cannot believe I was into it. But I think in so many ways, the music was an opportunity to reveal what was really going on in my heart and in my mind. See living behind a mask became something I did at School and then it extended to my home life. My parents didn't really notice - I was a model student with great grades...and I think for a while I believed it.

My final year was scary - the real world called for the real me. And so I left my Utopia behind and I made a decision to live life to the fullest. Work hard - play hard! This defined the way I would do it for the next 7 years.

So I worked at a Leadership NGO called Partnership Foundation Trust - Eduland and studied. It was tough - emotionally. I found other kids who where just like me - trying to leave some kind of legacy in the world, not understanding that they could start again - it was never too late. My presentations became fierce - I was on a mission that simply stated, "It's OK, breathe, stop, think - now if you don't like it then start over!" Words I had ached and wanted to hear in High School suddenly became the theme of my discussions with young people - I started to feel a release.

I don't really look at Eduland as a job - it was more than that. It was therapy. It's were I could re-connect with God and re-connect with myself. I spent moments in solitude forgiving myself for compromises I had made in School to fit in and I spent moments in front of teenagers stirring myself up and getting ready to take on the world again.

I left Eduland for the Johannesburg - the City of Gold. A glorified version of High School - that pretty much sums it up. In a way I think this City was the Heavens way of putting my new found convictions and revelations to the test. And while there are days when i falter and fail - there are good days, when I overcome and my hope is renewed.

This blog is an extension of me - my therapy. An outlet to be real and opportunity to salvage my sanity in place where people compromise to succeed...these are my adventures.

Love,

Melissa