I realized a few weeks ago just how weak many of my "friends" considered me to be weak. One in particular used the word "door mat" ... hmmm ... needless to say I was highly unimpressed. What she considered "door mat", I considered grace.
See, I in no way believe that Grace is something that only God can accomplish - I believe it's breathed in our very beings. To give people an opportunity to be all they can be, to be slow to judgement and ready to provide a second chance - I think we all have that in us. Failure to exercise this function can not be blamed on personality or human instinct.
I think I realized very early on in life that first impressions aren't always accurate. Reactions under pressure or in anger do not necessary reflect WHO a person is. This is unfair. We are wired differently. To place people in precise boxes and to expect them to act accordingly takes away everything we fight for - IT TAKES AWAY THE MYSTERY BEHIND THE CREATIVE.
Anais Nin once said, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." I have spent much of my break looking at that quote with absolute discontent. Discontent because these "friends" that so claimed to "get me" or "understand how I work" set rules that don't apply to them. Make decisions on judgement that should not apply to them should they commit the follies that warrant such actions. BUT I think - the discontent for what Anais said lay in how I am starting to scrutinize my world. My partnerships, companions - friends. What "worlds" did they represent in me?
For 2012 - I choose to surround myself with authenticity. This decreases the number of people in the camp - but I would rather have companions that will readily go to war with me, who understand my humanity, who stir my inner freak than be shallowly known by many who will jump ship at the first signs of fire.
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